Hi Al, I (luckily) stumbled across your website by googling "time out in relationships" & have just started reading through some of your work. Wanted to say thank you, for helping me (so far) to understand & see things in a different light. Right now I am in a relationship Time out, and wondered if you had any further advice you could offer. Sorry if this is long winded. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years, of which the last 2 & abit have been long distance. We met while he was on a student visa & unfortunately after studies were completed, he had to leave, as he was short on points to apply for a PR visa. Added to that, during his stay in my country, he found he did not really like it / felt uncomfortable with society (he came from a lesser developed country with many struggles. He parents seperated early, and as the older child, his mother came to rely on him for alot. I know his mother does love him, but does not reflect this in her actions & thoughts alot of the time. He once mentioned that growing up, his mother raised him like a little soldier, rather than in a loving environment. And even now 20 odd years later, if she doesnt get her way, she lays the guilt trip on him for all that she sacrificed when raising him.). He had said though, despite the way he feels about my country, the only reason he considers to return to my country is because of me. He is still considering I suppose .. We both knew long distance relationship would not be easy, missing that physical contact of just being able to see & talk to each other or just 'be there', but felt so strongly for each other (the Romantic stage ?) that we decided to try it. We have met up 2 or 3 times during the year, and were always in contact via sms everyday or emails and occasional phone calls. The last few months, I noticed a shift in his behaviour, he became slightly distant in his communications and very focused on his work (which i knew & he admitted was his top priority at present). Almost like he is possessed by it and until he reaches his satisfaction level - he has no time for much else in his life. I did also ask him if there was 'someone else' that he might be interested in ? in which he told me "no". Later I came to find out that there was a girl in the same country as he, who had expressed interest in him, he didn't volunteer this information but i did confront him. This girl wrote to him in a very familiar & comfortable tone, he admitted that she was interested in him, that they had met for coffee, but said that nothing happened and that the was not interested in her. We had a fight about it, after which we talked and thought sorted and he said 'he didnt want to lose me'. Now only 3 months down the track from then, he says that he is not sure what he wants (in terms of our relationship). He says that he really cares for me, but also feels like he has lost the passion & excitement and feels 'out of it'. He says he has been feeling that for maybe last 6 months, and he feels bad, depressed, tired especially knowing that i am putting in more to our relationship, than he is. He also feels bad & i think pressured, of pretending that everything was ok while he was trying to get himself back on our relationship track, and so far, has not been able to. He remembers how happy he used to be with me, how he used to feel for me, he knows that he has changed, and nothing really 'bad' has made this happen, and this makes him feel even worse. Since he has opened up, he feels happy that he doesnt pretend anymore and that its out, happy that we could 'chat' about it, but unhappy that our relationship is where it is - being his lost feelings. He cant pinpoint for what reason he feels this and says that its 'everything' (work, us, family ..) - he says it is not another woman. I believe there are other stresses and pressures from other sources ie. Focusing 100% on work and trying to build $$, the pressure of knowing that I am waiting for him & in my mind asking when does he plan to move to where i am, financial pressures of his family. Also when he started to distance himself, I think i became more of a 'Clinger' - adding more pressure. I think there are so many things jumbled in his mind, that he feels lost, confused, pressured, tired .. & he suggested a time out. (After all this, i understand that he needs some relief .. from somewhere !) He said maybe we can try for a month, and see how we feel after then. He says that he needs to find the answer by and for himself, which i understand. He wants our relationship to go on, and he says he hopes / believes that time out will be good for us, and that we will be ok. I asked him how he wanted this to work - do we keep in touch or not, to which he said we could try not to keep in touch for a few days and see. To which i replied, it may be best to keep as little contact as possible during the month, for reality sake (to really see what life without each other might be like). And as he asked for the time out, i am trying, and so far succeeding, not to initiate contact with him. We started just over a week ago - 2 days after we started he contacted me a short sms asking how i was, still calling me affectionately hun. 4 days after that he contacted me again online, we chatted for abit and i think it was nice / went well. He started to ask me again how i am, how is work, how is my health & so on, still calling me affectionately. Im feeling bit confused, and im wondering and trying to understand what is going through his mind, what he is feeling .. ? He asked for the time out, says he cares for me, but is not sure if he loves me, and yet still calls me affectionately when he writes. I wondered if All those time he said he loved me before & I did believe him - was i really that blind and got it all wrong? I think back, and I believe he did mean it. My feelings for him are unchanged - I love him and miss him dearly, & am trying to give him the space he needs to find answers. And I hope that he will come back to me / us. Do you think this time out he asked for is still within the relationship or is it preparation for an exit ? Sorry again for the long post and hope to hear from you, D.