Yup. Sounds like you are on the right track. Clinging is very hard to give up, I found, and especially when my partner is near. When you can tame that need to push/talk/interrogate etc. at the time your partner is seeming to be available, then you've learned enough on that subject. That's a high level of skill and you have to find patience as you build that up. At this point sounds as if you are simply working with his lack of trust - confidence in your skills. So read the Lizard paper and get on with your work. Replace clinging with caring behaviors and helping him manage his needs for space. I think of "blame" as ok when and only when you are working on assigning responsibility. It's fine for my wife to "blame" my for my part of the problem. It's also fine when I reflect back to her her part of the problem. Best model is that everything is 50%/50&. I think it is never 100%. But it is also never 0%. I am always partially responsible and can always do something. Also I can do something stupid, but what is my partner's rational response when I am stupid? What can she do that will help pull me out of my stupidity? Keep going. Sounds to me as if the way you are going is the right way. Good luck. Thanks sharing.