Dear CH, First I'll address the panic. Lizards are all about panic and your lizard should be panicked. Yup, and she probably is seeking some else, at least in her mind, tho avoiders are often remarkably slow at doing this. I recall a study that suggested the average clinger waited 8 to 9 months before finding someone else while the average avoider took 7 years. (My memory is it was something like that.) Good old lizard is waking you up. Hooray! A little reflection may suggest how long you have been asleep, unaware. Well, it is great that "awake people be awake." Now, what next. Well, people pull alway for two reasons: a) they feel overwhelmed and b) they feel hopeless. Address both concerns and you have a new situation - but still even that is only a beginning. Giving her space will take care of the "overwhelm." Learn to take care of her need for space quickly and 24/7, and she will have no problem being by your side. If you do, she will tend to feel "overwhelmed" when she is away from you. Giving her hope is just a matter of leading in the direction of making "The Biological Dream into a reliable reality." Even little steps in that direction generate hope. No steps in that direction or steps away from that direction will eventually (probably have, in your case) bring the level of hope in her to zero. That is probably what you have been doing - in the past. The power struggle is all about using the wrong tools to get the right result. So just turn around. Work on becoming a source of safety to her and yourself. Start taking care of both lizards. Work on taking care of both your needs for connection and space. Work on ensuring a safe and pleasant space for both to enjoy each other's diversity. Work on retaining your "sovereignty" and ensuring (yeah demanding) that she have hers. Respect and encourage both of your purposes in life. My website is all about this work. I've had to do it. You can. Sounds as if she's a "keeper." Best wishes, Al