Well, you are certainly struggling. This business of reversing (switching from avoiding to clinging) seems completely normal to me. I think the surprise about this is caused by our tendency to use nouns, solid words, to describe processes. I find it better to think of myself as clinging, when I am moving to get contact, and avoiding, when I am moving away or toward quietness. Sounds to me as if the Reliable Membership issue really got you both. At first he was needy (clingy) and you were pulling away from his neediness (and invalidating it). Without knowing how to solve this problem, things got worse for both of you - particularly him. Sounds as if he then gave up hope (dispair) and started to pull away - perhaps looking elsewhere. By the way, this is one typical, and logical, time when affairs may occur. Apparently he didn't believe that your change (from avoider to clinger) was something he could rely on. Remember, unconsciously he doesn't want a clinger, he wants reliable contact. That's too bad he can't see your good intentions. But then who knows. I suggest you carefully learn the Reliable Membership phenomena and learn the tools of solving it. I believe that if you have struggled with this in the past, you will face it again in the future. Seems as if these problems return and return until you decide to learn the solutions. Good luck.