Here's a letter by another clinger (Bless her and all the clingers out there), about learning from my website and applying what she has learned. Wow, working on yourself can be really eventful!   more »

This is the story of a woman who believes her partner is leaving, and doesn't want him to. She kinda followed him across the country, but managed to keep learning the lesson, "Work on your self, visibly." She's good, but learning is not easy! (Names have been changed)   more »

This is part of the set of problems I’ve found in connecting reliably to another person. In it I am looking mostly at the situation from the point of view of the clinging or more needy partner. Heck, that was me. And it is a bit of history. I wrote this about 8 years ago as I was figuring out the problem of, and solution to, Reliable Membership.   more »

All issues and problems that couples bring to my office are fair. Each person can lead the way out of the trouble. All problems EXCEPT ONE, that is. For one problem, there is only one person who can lead in the solution. This is the “Unfair Problem.”   more »

Dear Turtle, My question is - how possible is it to change one's response to fear - say from FIGHT to FLEE? I'm guessing one has to shoot for something even better such as calm the reptile and talk - but how about FLEE until one gains perspective enough and calms the lizard (away from the fear stimulus) and is then capable of talking w/o fighting?   more »

A TimeOut is a relational tool and is an essential skill for any intimate relationship. Its purpose is to remove pressure from the relationship. Use a TimeOut whenever you feel overwhelmed, pressed, chased, pursued, cornered, etc.   more »

This is the chart I share with couples who are experiencing this trouble.    more »

I believe all humans require reliable connection with other humans. I see this as the principle drive that moves us, and holds us, together in partnership. At any given time one partner will probably need more and one will probably need less connection. Managing this becomes a challenge and sometimes an enormous stumbling block. Here are the principles and the solutions.   more »