FOR INSPIRATION, TRY THIS! This sort of thing doesn't come often to an old therapist, but it is welcome. Here's an ex-client who, I think, got it. "You can either be in Relationship or Right. You can either Validate or be Right. You can either be Empathic or be Right. Take your pick." Thanks to you, friend.   more »

Recently I gave a 3–hour presentation at a conference on Domestic Violence. The title was "Remediating Bullies and Their Makers: A different look at Domestic Violence." Here is the background and one of the Powerpoint presentations.    more »

Written: Aug 4th, 2009. "I stumbled upon you site after googling resentment! After years of an emotional roller coaster marriage...things are finally making sense!"    more »

“My assignment, years ago as I got older, was to find a younger person and bless them, once every day.” I can share this secret with you. Now, take your time reading this. It is a gift that I can pass on.    more »

This is a beginner, Validation exercise. You are Uninformed at that point when you think your partner is doing something odd or that “doesn’t make sense to you.” If you were informed, you wouldn’t think it odd, and you would see your partner’s sense. Use this practice sheet to get good at Validating.   more »

I was amused to find that Einstein wrote about the same struggles I see in couples - who's point of view is the right one. Often a couple will say "we are arguing over the silliest of things." I usually reply, "I don't think so. I think you are struggling over something very important - who is boss. And this decision can seem like life and death." Here is more about this topic.    more »

Probably no question has been put to me so often these days as to what I mean by the phrase "Make Sense." The Diversity Principle: "All people make sense all the time," is for me one of the most useful tools I've come up with. It allows me to connect with people who are doing things that I don?t at first understand or like. It allows me to continue to more and more fully understand myself. It is a keystone tool in helping people build self-esteem. And it is a tool that stands up clearly, setting me against what I call "the pathology of our culture."   more »

When we listen, do we understand? When we speak, do we get to feel understood? The skills of understanding, making a person feel understood, and speaking so that someone can understand you, are very important. In this article I hope to be able to explain about this and start you on your way. Seek to become an expert. I think this is really worth the investment.    more »

From the point of view of relationships, I think this a disease of the disease, the source behind so much trouble. Most everyone in our country suffers from this disease. And it is even taught on TV. I believe this is the source of MasterTalk.    more »

Here are some more thoughts about PreValidation and Validation.    more »

This is the lesson I teach every person I see. This is critical information for people who are puzzled, bothered, or upset when they find they disagree or that others disagree with them.

These concepts are vital to the practice of Dialogue and Communologue.   more »

To really grasp Diversity, I think people need to have an image, a model, that makes sense of Understanding and Validation. I have used this model for three years and it works. It defines "making sense", "understanding", "validation" and that most valuable of skills, "PreValidation".   more »