FOR INSPIRATION, TRY THIS! This sort of thing doesn't come often to an old therapist, but it is welcome. Here's an ex-client who, I think, got it. "You can either be in Relationship or Right. You can either Validate or be Right. You can either be Empathic or be Right. Take your pick." Thanks to you, friend.   more »

For years I have been teaching and “thinking” about Feelings. I have been teaching what I call , the Four Prime Feelings for years: Fear, Anger, Sorrow, and Joy. But more and more I have become aware of a set of feelings that are very important and which are not usually called emotions. I think they are.   more »

A couple of days ago I got a note from a friend letting me in on her delight sharing the posters I have. Probably half a dozen times I have heard from people who used this method of learning the “wisdom” that I am passing on to you all.    more »

How about it? Want to learn to be empathic? Want to know when you aren't? Want to improve? I believe that more and more people will be talking about the “need for more empathy.” I believe that the primary cause of conflict in our families, our partnerships, our business, our marriages, our political communities, our churches, and in the world, is a pronounced lack of reliable empathic skills.    more »

I hope you are looking for a great relationship for yourself, the skills to get along well with anyone, and ways to make the world a better place.  If you have, I’ve got ideas to share with you.  Here are some topics:

• What to do when he/she leaves you?
• What to do when he/she won’t talk?
• What to do when he/she won’t make a decision?
• Help! What’s going on with Marriage? Here’s a Map
• Where to Start in making a better relationship?
• How to get rid of resentments?
• How to get him/her to do what you want?
• Stop the arguing. But what then?
• Whose fault is it, anyway?
• Did he/she do something “out of the blue?”
• Secrets! How much should you share?
• FAQ – The most asked questions and solutions.
• Having a Bad Day! What to do? 
• What is Empathy? You’ll need it.
• What is all this about being “victim?”
• Finding Mr. or Ms. Right
• Building and Rebuildling Trust?
• Boundary Skills?
• Boundaries in a Relationship?
• How to Use this Website?

If you have arrived here interested in getting a wonderful partnership, or interested in how to do better, or interested in saving your marriage or that of friends, parents or children, or just interested in specifics of how peaceful partnerships work, you have arrived at a right place.

And all this is free for the reading. What can you loose? My good wishes to you all. Go 4 It!    more »

I believe that everyone needs a three-drawer tool box. Each drawer represents different tools or skills needed in life.    more »

Here we are, about to head off on another vacation, and I promised that I would write down how we manage keeping it so much fun.    more »

Been thinking of this for some time. I keep finding that sometimes being Rebellious is the way to go. Sometimes Stubbornness is wonderful. Even sometimes Passivity is a jewel. But when? I've never shared my enthusiasm about rebelling and being stubborn, and I fear I have given passivity a "bad rap." Enjoy!   more »

A recent letter sparked me to thinking about how I handle this tough situation. I have been using this all purpose skill for a dozen years, recommending it to my clients. Some use it. Some don’t. Sometimes it makes things “better.” Sometimes it seems to make things “worse.” Life is like that. Take a-look.    more »

This is my response to a great set of questions posted on my article on the Problem with Expectations. But it covers so much territory, I decided to repond with an article. My thanks to the Poster.    more »

My gosh, people get this simple issue so confused.  It isn’t all that difficult.  Here’s my poster on it.

In ...   more »

Notes on my seminar about Validation. I share what I have learned, how, and what I have come to believe validation is.    more »

These are my notes for teaching Mirroring and for a class on "How to Teach Mirroring."   more »

Notes for a telephone class on my way of doing a first Couple's Session.   more »

This question comes in often. “I am single and am looking for a partner. I know I have defects. How do I attract the right partner, one I can work with? How do I go about it?”   more »

Working for the long haul. Let's say you two make it through learning the skills critical to "getting along." Now what? Here's the view after you get over that first hump.    more »

These podcasts, audio recordings, include additional material on the remaining oneliners, from #21 up.    more »

About guiding people into dialogical space.   more »

In many ways, I am a slow learner. I have used many white sheets of paper with a saying on it. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my thick brain “get’s it.” Here are a bunch of them.    more »

A simple look at ways of getting people to do what you want and like you. "What can you do to make them inclined to do what you want. What are you doing that makes them not inclined to do what you want."    more »

I built this table several years ago as a handout to help couples determine which tools to use when things were going awry. Years ago when I was working as (pretending to be) a carpenter, an old guy said, "Al, first things first. Always use the right tool. Saves time and effort." Well, depending on what is happening in a relationship, there are different tools. Here's the range.   more »

I can think of nothing as important as getting to be, and staying, Dialogical. It makes possible solutions to all the relationship troubles. This is the list of one line reminders that I have used over the past 15 years to remind me of "a better way of getting along." I often have had a piece of paper with one of these phrases on my wall (sometimes many walls) at home or in my office where I can see it every day. These are learning tools.    more »

I often get asked this, and fortunately for me the answer is clear. But let's state the question more clearly. If I am in a couple, a relationship, what do I/we focus on first, second, third, etc. to make things better. Ok, here we go. The answer arises from two different major principles: the Anna Karenina Principle and the Biological Dream.    more »

#11 - #20 of my Dialogical OneLiners   more »