Here we are, about to head off on another vacation, and I promised that I would write down how we manage keeping it so much fun.    more »

If you have been following my work through Part One: Master/Slave and Part Two: Power of Passivity, then this may be your next stop. I decided to share my path down a bit deeper into the basement. Be warned! The steps down here may be tippy.    more »

I have been asked recently by people who are reading my papers on boundaries how to decide if something is mine or my partner's or what?? I was writing a response, and decided I'd better post it for everyone.    more »

Your suggestions could really shape the future here at this website and in the place in the forest where I often sit!    more »

People are taking the time to read, download, and hand out my articles. Over 66,000 readers in the last 6 months. This is pretty powerful stuff, and I am very gratified that so many are valuing it. My deep goal is, of course, to get to the children. "Happier couples raise healthier kids." Here's the latest top-viewed list.    more »

So many times I've heard the phrase, "he/she did that out of the blue." I love the phrase. It seems so colorful. And also many people write me, and read my thoughts, about what to do when he/she leaves. Put these two issues together and I give you this article.    more »

Recognizing MasterTalk, avoiding it, reframing it gets simpler.    more »

I hope you are looking for a great relationship for yourself, the skills to get along well with anyone, and ways to make the world a better place.  If you have, I’ve got ideas to share with you.  Here are some:

• What to do when he/she leaves you?
• How to get rid of resentments?
• How to get him/her to do what you want?
• What to do instead of arguing?
• How much should you tell him/her?
• Having a Bad Day! What to do?
• How to get rid of resentments?
• What to do when he/she won’t talk?
• Help! What’s going on with Marriage? The Map
• Finding Mr. or Ms. Right
• Where to Start in making a better relationship?
• Need to build Trust?
• Need some Boundary Skills?
• How about Boundaries in a Relationship?
• How to Use this Website?

If you have arrived here interested in getting a wonderful partnership, or interested in how to do better, or interested in saving your marriage or that of friends, parents or children, or just interested in specifics of how peaceful partnerships work, you have arrived at a right place.

And all this is free for the reading. What can you loose? My good wishes to you all. Go 4 It!    more »

This is the last part of my essay on Feelings and Emotions. I am going to be speaking about “expression.” Now, lack of emotional expression, I believe, causes huge confusion in relationships and and will shorten your life. But, incorrect expression causes lots and lots of trouble, too. My goal is to focus on what I call “Appropriate Expression.” Many groups and cultures have strong rules about the “correct” way to express or hold in emotions. What I am going to write may seem to go against many of those rules - may seem critical of them. I do not choose to set myself up in that judgemental position. I simply want to share what I have learned.   more »

For years I have been teaching and “thinking” about Feelings. I have been teaching what I call , the Four Prime Feelings for years: Fear, Anger, Sorrow, and Joy. But more and more I have become aware of a set of feelings that are very important and which are not usually called emotions. I think they are.   more »

Been thinking of this for some time. I keep finding that sometimes being Rebellious is the way to go. Sometimes Stubbornness is wonderful. Even sometimes Passivity is a jewel. But when? I've never shared my enthusiasm about rebelling and being stubborn, and I fear I have given passivity a "bad rap." Enjoy!   more »

A couple of days ago I got a note from a friend letting me in on her delight sharing the posters I have. Probably half a dozen times I have heard from people who used this method of learning the “wisdom” that I am passing on to you all.    more »

I have received requests to list books that have been, and are, important to me in developing my thinking. Here I will organize that list, and link them to Amazon.com, so that you can get them. This list will grow as I think of them. I am just listing the ones that have been repeatably, and durably, “hot” for me. I will also include books I am currently reading. Enjoy.    more »

My gosh, people get this simple issue so confused.  It isn’t all that difficult.  Here’s my poster on it.

In ...   more »

People ask me how hard is a great relationship, and I am responding more and more that “it is not rocket science.” 

But I have come across an image, that isn’t far from what most of us think is “rocket science,” that may be helpful to you.

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How to approach relationship challenges? Tis all about applying knowledge of the Biological Dream and learning those skills. Tis all about knowing where you currently are on the Map of Relationships. Here are some examples.    more »

This question comes in often. “I am single and am looking for a partner. I know I have defects. How do I attract the right partner, one I can work with? How do I go about it?”   more »

“My assignment, years ago as I got older, was to find a younger person and bless them, once every day.” I can share this secret with you. Now, take your time reading this. It is a gift that I can pass on.

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When someone says, “I’m hurt” or “That upsets me,” what is a useful response? I find this is a central problem in the common co-dependency I see. Here are some ideas. A major paper is coming.    more »

How about it? Want to learn to be empathic? Want to know when you aren't? Want to improve? I believe that more and more people will be talking about the “need for more empathy.” I believe that the primary cause of conflict in our families, our partnerships, our business, our marriages, our political communities, our churches, and in the world, is a pronounced lack of reliable empathic skills.    more »

In many ways, I am a slow learner. I have used many white sheets of paper with a saying on it. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my thick brain “get’s it.” Here are a bunch of them.    more »

I can think of nothing as important as getting to be, and staying, Dialogical. It makes possible solutions to all the relationship troubles. This is the list of one line reminders that I have used over the past 15 years to remind me of "a better way of getting along." I often have had a piece of paper with one of these phrases on my wall (sometimes many walls) at home or in my office where I can see it every day. These are learning tools.    more »

I often get asked this, and fortunately for me the answer is clear. But let's state the question more clearly. If I am in a couple, a relationship, what do I/we focus on first, second, third, etc. to make things better. Ok, here we go. The answer arises from two different major principles: the Anna Karenina Principle and the Biological Dream.    more »